Many of us grew up with messages that it wasn’t okay to be who we were…Many of us grew up with the message that what we want and need isn’t okay…Let it all burn off. - Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go.
So many times, with customers, I see and hear clearly what they are trying to say but don’t have the confidence to say directly.
The words coming out of their mouths are along the lines of:
Is your home operating as a museum for someone else’s collection?
“I’m keeping [insert a non-resident adult’s name] 's stuff until they can come get it.”
”My mother loved these porcelein figurines; I can’t just give them away.”
”I made this mess and I should be able to fix it myself, with no help.”
Under the words are feelings of low self-worth, guilt and shame.
I don’t deserve to have an organized house because these other people and their things are more important than me.
What my mother told me about her stuff when she was alive is more important than me living my best life now.
I am not worthy of getting help to fix my house because I should be able to do it myself.
Changing the narrative is scary. It might ruffle other people’s feathers. It may feel uncomfortable instead of just staying in a familiar, but miserable, rut of clutter. It’s not easy to assert our boundaries. It’s unlike us to say things like:
”I am organizing my house and don’t have room for your stuff. I need you to come get your things by July 31st or they will be donated along with other stuff I’m letting go.”
”I never liked these figurines and feel okay with donating them to a charity shop so that someone else can enjoy them.”
”I am getting the physical help and professional guidance I need to get my house decluttered and organized so that I can enjoy living in it.”
And there will be after-burn. There will be twinges of guilt and regret. But, like the weather, they will pass. Often, very quickly.
More from Melody Beattie:
Let it all burn off. We don’t have to take after-burn so seriously. We don’t let the after-burn convince us that we are wrong and don’t have the right to take of ourselves and set boundaries.
And at the end, we get what we always wanted but thought we never deserved - a calm, peaceful, organized, clutter-free house.